Washington DC, United States (CNN) -- A senior NASA official announces a plan to blow up the moon.

The historical and world-changing announcement was made today by the Administrator of NASA, Daniel S. Goldin. "Our agency has known for many decades now that the Moon is NOT in a stable orbit around the Earth, but is in fact accelerating towards the planet. This information was suppressed in order to prevent a panic from sweeping the public, at least until we had a practical solution."

According to newly released data, the moon is set to collide with the Earth at 4:45 PM, December 2nd, 2012, directly into the Indian ocean. A collision of that magnitude would almost certainly destroy all life on Earth. "The scheduled date of impact is 16 years away, but we are already beginning to feel the effects of a larger gravitational pull on the Earth, by the Moon. Tide levels have risen globally, causing the disastrous floods of many coastal cities in the last few years. The global climate has shifted, and tropical storms are increasingly catastrophic."

Throughout history, the Moon has held a revered and sacred spot in human culture. Generations upon generations have gazed upon it, never dreaming that it would come to pose the gravest threat to life the planet has ever seen. Movements to protect the Moon have already been established, but in the face of frequent global disasters and the lack of tenable alternatives, at this stage preservation efforts seem futile.

"I make this announcement with no small amount of dismay, but waiting any longer is a death sentence for all of humanity. Construction of the space capsule and assembly of the nuclear charges is already underway. We expect to launch within the next year, preferably within the next five months."

In the meantime, humans all over the world will be saying, "Good night, Moon."

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